My name is Raghad Amir and I have spent 19 years of my life living and studying in Saudi Arabia. I spent most of my years in Jeddah but at different points in time I have lived in Riyadh, Khober, Khamis and Medina. I never got the chance to travel much, other than to Pakistan because my grandparents lived here so my parents made my siblings and me spend our summers in Karachi. The biggest dilemma that comes with living somewhere and originally being from somewhere else is trying to figure out where home is. I loved spending my summers in Karachi because I got to meet all these people that were a part of my family, people to whom I could relate and so I felt like I belonged.
I moved to Karachi in 2016 after completing my A levels, a decision that was entirely my own. My parents wanted me to apply elsewhere because they weren’t too sure about Pakistan being the safest option for me. I am their eldest child and the only daughter, and I have 3 younger brothers. However, I chose to come to Karachi where I spent 1 year living with my nani and then another year living with my dada and dadi. I joined IBA in August of 2017 where I am majoring in Marketing, after having been to 2 universities before that. I stated above how Karachi felt like the place where I belonged while I lived in Jeddah but, that changed when I came here and realized I had to make some serious changes in order to fit in.
In 2018 my mom and my siblings also moved to Karachi and now we live together. However, my dad still works in Jeddah. Currently, I am in my 6th semester and I remember talking to my friend about the Corona virus in January 2020 about how there was this new deadly virus in China and this was a little worrying as Pakistan shares a border with China and due to CPEC there is a lot of travel between the 2 countries. However, it was just a topic that came up in one of our discussions., We were worried but not too worried. Never in a million years would we have seen this coming.
On February 26th Pakistan confirmed its first Corona virus case, it was all over the news and everyone was talking about it. To be honest, I don’t think I understood the severity of the situation back then because I was still going on about my day as usual. It was my friend who first texted me to say that her parents were no longer letting her go to university and that she wouldn’t be coming tomorrow. I kind of thought that was an overreaction but little did I know how wrong I was.
The next day I went to university and for the most part things seemed pretty normal, although I could see a few people wearing masks, others discussing how there was already a shortage in the city and that they were unable to find the N95 masks. Most schools and universities were already closed down by the government for 2 days but in IBA classes were going on as per the norm till about 2pm when we all got an email about how classes were cancelled today and that university would off till Sunday, 1st of March. Even then, we thought this is perhaps just a precautionary measure and that things would be normal from Monday. However, on Sunday the government passed orders to shut down all schools and colleges for the next 2 weeks. This marked the beginning of a month that refused to end.
As a student who constantly worries and stresses over studies this was sort of a much needed break for me and I’m sure a lot of students felt the same. In addition to this, time away from university meant time away from friends which in a way was something that I wanted just so that I could clear my head and focus a little on myself. Therefore, I worried little and tried to focus on the positive. Week 1 went by great: I worked out, I read, and I played board games with my brothers. It was nice having time to spend on the little things. While, I did this my elders were all glued to their televisions focusing on the hourly news updates to see if there was a rise in the number of cases. Week 2 was spent doing internship tests for the mandatory summer internship I was supposed to do this summer and worrying about the midterms which we still weren’t sure when we would have. During these 2 weeks there wasn’t really a rise in the number of cases so we were sure things would finally go back to normal.
On the 12th of March the government announced an extension on the closure of educational institutions till 31st May. This news shocked us all, we weren’t prepared to hear it and even after hearing it, it just didn’t sound believable. This was perhaps the stage where people really started to panic, and we started to realize the severity of the situation. We knew that the government wouldn’t just choose to do this unless it really had no choice.
Now that we knew things were going to be different for a long, long time, we started to adjust to it. IBA started online classes, this is where you hear about the famous “Zoom” application that seemed to connect us all in virtual space and would go on to be the place where not only would we have our online classes but also where we would get together to wish happy birthday to a friend. As days passed by, we all sorted of started relying on each other for comfort and it’s difficult to see what life would’ve been like without social media. I got to talk to my friends abroad after a really long time and hear about what the situation was like where they lived. I got close to people I had never even interacted with during university, making me realize just how much I had missed out on because I was too busy trying to study. We also learned to use humor as a coping mechanism, which came in the form of memes. Or saying things like how we’re saving the world by being lazy right now.
While we’re trying to find comfort in our loved ones and also trying to help those in need, we’ve also become more paranoid. There continues to be a shortage of hand sanitizers and other antiseptic products. I have a friend who went on to tell me that her father disinfects all currency notes with Dettol and then leaves them out to dry. This of course might sound funny to many people and it sounded funny to me. But the real question is, can we ever really be too safe? My own dadi who lives in the house below mine, refuses to let me hold her hand for fear of the virus getting to her.
On the 23rd of March, Karachi went into lockdown which of course meant that the situation was worsening, not just in Pakistan but all over the world. Tourist destinations closed down, mosques closed down, including the Prophet’s mosque in Medina, which is said to have been closed for the first time in 14 centuries. By now, all that anyone was talking about was the Corona virus. What’s interesting is that COVID- 19 is a part of a family of viruses that have risen up before. The last time a Corona virus outbreak happened was in 2012 called MERS, which started in Saudi Arabia and of course I was in school during that time and I remember how people had started to take precautions, how hand sanitizer machines were installed throughout the school. Yet, I do not recall something like this ever happening. What makes COVID-19 so serious is its transmission rate.
It’s funny how you start to miss the things in life you thought you could live without. I miss my friends, I miss hugs. I don’t remember the last time I hugged my friends or the last time I ordered a pizza. I miss being able to order pizza, something I used to do at least once in a week or two. The worst part is not knowing when it will end. My university seems very optimistic that things will be better in June and that they’ll be able to conduct finals on campus. However, I don’t share that optimism. The last news I read was how certain areas are now being sealed because too many cases have risen from those areas.
I’m trying my best to hold on but it’s getting difficult. Everyone has different opinions on what we’re supposed to be doing/ not doing right now. My parents think we need to put this time to good use because Allah is warning us and giving us this one chance to turn back to him, we don’t have an excuse of why we can’t do more ibadat now because we’re not crazy busy like we used to be. A lot of people also think Allah is punishing us by closing down the doors of his house. I admit, it is pretty terrifying to imagine that all the mosques in the world are empty right now.
My teachers on the other hand think that this is an opportunity we need to take advantage of by learning new skills, getting online diplomas and doing things that would make our CVs stand out. My own heart tells me this is the best time to work on my weight and get that transformation that I always wanted. But am I really doing any of these things? No, it’s becoming increasingly harder to get out of bed, which is funny because I barely get any sleep. Everything just feels too overwhelming right now. A few days ago I randomly started crying out of nowhere and hugged my mom but I could not explain why I cried, I just felt trapped, like my life had just come to a halt and that I was stuck reliving the same day over and over again.
I’m not doing any of the things my parents, my teachers or my heart tell me. All I’m trying to do is keep myself and my loved ones sane. I am not the only person who is breaking down, at least I have the love and care of my family. Some people don’t even have that and its crazy to think that they’re stuck at home with abusive families and have no place to escape to. My own father is alone in Jeddah stuck at home with a 24-hour curfew in place, not being able to see anyone or go for prayer or for work.
My dear old cousin has a theory that once we get out of this we will all be brain dead zombies because we would’ve forgotten how to hold a pen or how to have a conversation with the person in front of us. Maybe she’s right, maybe this is the zombie apocalypse we all feared. What’s scarier than this though, is the fact that once all of this ends, there will be catastrophic repercussions in the financial world that would be even harder to recover from. The great depression would be nothing compared to this. With that thought in mind I do not know if I really want this madness to stop. I’m hoping we’ll wake up soon and realize this was all a horrible nightmare.
–Raghad Amir
April 19, 2020, Karachi
